Bullying

Please tell me about your experiences (or I’ll take your lunch money)

(La version francaise est ICI)

Bullying takes many forms, from the big kid punching the smaller kid for his lunch money to the 13 years old girl sending anonymous hate mails to her unpopular classmate. In both cases, it can have devastating effects on the victims (and actually on the bully as well).

I know that bullying is a big problem in Japan that is sometimes accentuated by a culture of “don’t ask, don’t tell”. I also know that many suicides are related to bullying here. What I don’t know is “how” it is happening. What form it is taking. I have not witnessed any bullying first hand in Japan (and I hope I won’t) but I know other JETs have. I want to hear about you.

It seems that the most frustrating thing is that JETs (and teachers, for that matter) can’t do anything about it. The bullies appear to get away with it without facing any consequences. A teacher was telling me that a bully can’t be expelled or suspended from a school because he has a right to be educated (I think the school is actually missing a very important opportunity to educate that kid). So instead, the victim is the one trying to avoid school. The kid wants to stay home but he/she gets in trouble for doing so. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but is the bully really facing no consequences at all while the victim is forced back in the lions cage without any support?

It would also seem that parents of victims will sometimes try to hide that their kid is being bullied because it is a shameful thing. So they would definitely not try to push the matter with the school to find solutions.
On the other hand, I also heard that some parents might go talk to the school’s administration about a dispute between two “friends” instead of trying to deal directly with the other kid and his parents. Making the problem bigger than necessary by doing so.
Which scenario is more likely? Does it depend on the school? On the region? Did you observe any of this?

Back in Canada, I didn’t spend a lot of time teaching in big high schools so I haven’t witnessed much physical bullying. I think the kids are now more inclined to act against and condemn bullying. The “third player” is fulfilling it’s role more and more. (There is the bully, the victim and the 3rd player is the “witness”. If he is a silent witness, he is actually encouraging and supporting the bully, I think this is mostly what happens in Japan; leaving the victim isolated and without support. If the witness speaks out and affirms that he does not approve of the bullying, the bully is now the one being isolated and maybe thinking about changing its ways.)

The problem that I witnessed in Canada was actually young girls having psychological warfare with each other. It often turned out to be 2, 3 or more girls against one who was singled out as different or not as “cool”. At first, the lonely soldier tries to fight back but as the war becomes more intense and the big weapons come out (anonymous hate mails, starting atrocious rumours, getting more and more people to “hate” her…) she ends up needing a lot of support from adults. Luckily, I didn’t see this too often but it did happen.

In Canada, every school as a social worker or another professional who helps students work out these situations. As far as I know, there is no equivalent in Japan. Is there?

I would really like to know more about your experiences with bullying (in Japan or anywhere else). Please tell me in the comments below, or you can email me (jddinjapan@gmail.com) if you don’t want to make your story public.

My next move will be to look into the situation of England. I think they had a big anti-bullying campaign some years ago. I’ll update this post if I find anything interesting.